It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
