Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
