I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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