she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
