I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
