She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
