He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
