so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
