it wasn't lemon gatorade
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
