I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
