hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
