I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
