i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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