did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
