The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
