And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize