So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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