I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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