4 words: hood of his car
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
