I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
