I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
