just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
