And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
