I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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