Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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