What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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