my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
