best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
