ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
