I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
