i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
