I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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