Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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