Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
