Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize