I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
