Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
