Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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