Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
