i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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