Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize