currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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