some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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