it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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