Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
