cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
