Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
