My underwear smells like fireworks.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
