I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
