i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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