mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
