in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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