I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i drank out of a bidet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
