the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
