i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
