btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
