So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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