my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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