If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
