why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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