Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
