I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
