Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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