He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
