I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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