I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
