We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
