Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
