He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
