What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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