there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
