I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
